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July 26 2019


C minor

I am trying to keep fulfilled all of those voids you created. It's like I am always stuck in this never ending cicle where my path is used to end up in yours. I guess by now I should be used to you not being here, I shouldn't have to be the immature child blocking you away. But is all I can do to manage my pain. I got back to my pills because my mind can't simply chill when you're not here. And it's not phisically here, it's emotionally here to help me get through this one more time. I understand you don't know how to love me anymore. But I can't push one button and do the same. Stop loving you is what I wish for more than I wish to get my own place or make my music work. You are my worse addiction. It has been so for a while now. 10 years, maybe. I know I am messy. I want to hold on to the bad things and the good ones come popping into my head. Like we seated on the sidewalk, my head on your shoulder and you telling me I was a queen and I deserved someone who saw that. Or when you kissed me in that car last year and made every piece of hair in my body arise in the most sexy and ridiculous way. I miss you. And I simply tried to fill those voids you left as my friend, my lover, my worst judge and my best supporter. I can't. I cried in front of my therapist saying that untill I had to talk about it, I simply couldn't process it. And well, here am I, 2 a.m. crying in front of this screen as if I was talking to you, because the truth is that I can't. I can't talk to you without getting hurt on the process, because deep inside of me we would somehow work it out and be together for once. That's why when you said to me of our hipotetical child it broke me. I wanted that. I wanted a family with you even though I spent a whole part of my life denying that. I want the whole package. Kids, a dog, a cat, a house, laughter, argue about something silly, make up, your body inside of me every night and your kisses before work on me every morning.
I wanted that.
But I will find my way eventually.
It could take me another 10 years...
But I will leave you where you need to be.
The hell away from me.

July 18 2016


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7278 5a9f 500

May 21 2014


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September 30 2013

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